DITCHES, MARSHES, RIVER FORDS AND THE GREAT BATTLE TOWER.
Prepare for a little trip on the Wayback Machine…
Exhibit A: BATTLE MASTERS
This was such a bitch to put together and looked nothing like this upon completion.
That fucking tower was fragile as shit.
The dudes didn’t stay on their fucking trays either.
Horses were constantly falling onto each other
and an eight year old Rembrandt couldn’t put the stickers on the fucking flags correctly.
I didn’t even want to play this because it took so long to prepare for
and it took up the entire fucking floorspace of my house to play.
Still, we played it mercilessly because my parents hated us for owning it.
EXHIBIT B: RED LEGO BRIEFCASE
As if my parents weren’t concerned enough that I would grow up
to be a kiss stealing, wheelin’ dealin’, limousine ridin’, jet flying son of a bitch,
along came the red LEGO briefcase to solidify their most troubling insights.
The red LEGO briefcase, in tandem with a nifty wardrobe that mostly didn’t fit,
enabled me to saunter around D.C. neighborhoods as the heir-apparent to the Nature Boy.
Red LEGO briefcase survived until Arion threw up in it and the smell wouldn’t go away.
Sadly, the plastic and all those bevels just retained the stench through every kind of power fucking washdown.
Fucking A.
I hear a rustle in the streets
and the rumbling ground.
I feel a hustle to the beat
like you’re fearing the sound.
Arison Cain
Go back into the Battle Tower, stand in the corner,and you think….THINK….about all the slings and arrows you have thrown today YOUNG MAN!!!!!
I had Battle Masters. My grandfather and I cut a thin piece of plywood to put the map on. Unfortunately, I never got to play it becaues I didn’t have any friends near my house. Eventually I lost everything, but I still had the dice and the big evil Orge figure for a while.
Holy shit, I had Battle Masters. I was planning to review it at one point, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of it and my Google searches for “board game” + catapult + ogre + tower, weren’t turning it up.
As far as I can tell, the game was intended to be setup on a basement table and left there, like Warhammer boards. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the space to do that.